Why?

This is the one-word question that I most often receive when I tell someone that I am a convert to Judaism. I can explain offer an explanation by pointing to Judaism's resonance with my beliefs in the Torah, G-d, family life, emphasis on education, Jewish history, etc but I cannot find a way to say how deeply I feel the love of Torah and the Jewish people.

So, just how did I come to convert to Judaism? Well, it took many years and many spiritual paths. Let me begin at the beginning. ...

I was born into a Christian family. My dad was reared Southern Baptist and my mom was reared nominal Mormon. When I was four, my parents and I moved to another state and shortly thereafter we began attending a local Southern Baptist church. This church was very evangelical - as are all Southern Baptist churches I have encountered. I was indoctrinated into the belief system just like all the other children I met there. Being four-years-old, I bought everything that I was being taught and I just knew that Jesus died for my sins. I was very active in Bible School from a young age and when I was ten, I was "saved", baptized, and "born again". In reality, by that age, I began wondering about the theology I was being taught (well, as much as a ten-year-old can question these things) but I went ahead with the baptism to please the preacher and my parents. I remained involved in the youth group and became a local "missionary" to people living in my county even though I still had questions about the theology.

When I was thirteen, my parents and I began attending a new non-denominational church that was originally a Southern Baptist church but left the Southern Baptist Convention due to theological concerns. (My parents still attend this church.) By this point, I had all but given up on Christianity. I still considered myself a Christian but I was not very active. I never attended youth functions and I only went to church to appease my parents. I could no longer stomach the ideology that if one was not a proper Christian, one was doomed to hell forever. The constant hypocrisy I witnessed in the Christian world just drove me to further myself from any organized religion. At sixteen I started a part-time job and within a few months, I left the church (only attending Christmas and Easter services until I graduated from high school). I still considered myself a Christian but very much of the non-practicing kind.

At 26, I moved to another state and pursued my education. I considered myself a believer in G-d and Jesus but I would not necessarily call myself a Christian in the traditional sense of the term. As I became more involved in my new life, I found myself slipping into an atheistic belief system. I was angry with life and decided that there was no G-d and everything was just random chance. After working through some personal issues, I found myself more of an agnostic mind-set. I don't know if I ever really stopped believing in G-d but I just could not find a space for G-d in my life.

At 29, I found myself wanting (needing?) a relationship with G-d and I became interested in pursuing a more structured religious lifestyle. I studied Catholicism and the Lutheran faith but I found them both lacking in truth. I was beginning to believe that Jesus was not G-d-incarnate and not the messiah as was understood by the Jews. I also did not agree with their ideas of eternal damnation and proseletyzing. I then studied Islam. Again, I found it lacking in truth and could not believe in Jesus being the messiah. Also, as with Christianity, I did not agree with their ideas of eternal damnation and proseletyzing. I then turned to Buddhism. I fell in love with Buddhism but felt the lack of G-d in the faith to be a hollow point in that faith. By this point, I was not sure where to turn. I thought that maybe I was doomed to be without a faith system - until I discovered Judaism.

I began reading various books on religion and this led me to reading more indepth about Judaism. I learned the basic beliefs, culture, and history of the Jews and found that they resonated with me. There was one tiny Reform shul [synagogue] where I lived that did not have a permanent rabbi. I contacted the shul president and he put me in touch with the student rabbi who was visiting for the summer. I began my conversion studies with this student rabbi and then via snail-mail and phone with the Reform rabbi in a city 400 miles away. After returning to my home state, I continued my conversion studies with a Conservative rabbi. I found the Reform Movement to not be in touch with my belief system so I decided that Conservative Judaism was right for me. After 2 1/2 years of study, I finally went before the bet din [rabbinic court] and immersed in a mikveh [ritual bath] - becoming a Yid By Choice on 27 Av, 5760.

I love being a Jew and I plan on becoming the best Jew possible. I wish to serve Hashem in any way that I can - even if it brings me into conflict with my family and friends. Some day I hope to make aliyah [move to Israel] and I am flirting with becoming a rabbi or a Jewish educator.