Please teach me!

I have been reading The Conservative Movement in Judaism: Dilemmas and Opportunities which has opened up a world to me that I did not really understand about Conservative Judaism. I have read one-half of the book so far and it seems that the overall theme is a we-them dichotomy within Conservative Judaism. The book talks quite a bit about the "masses" and the "elite". The "masses" are the common everyday laypeople and the "elite" are not only the rabbis, chazanim [cantors], and teachers - but also other leaders and learned members.

As a Jew by Choice, I obviously do not fit in with the "elite" and I in some ways do not fit in with the "masses". I am struggling to become a learned member of the Jewish faith but it is a struggle when this dichotomy exists. The "masses" are - and this is a very broad, general statement - not very learned and many follow very few (if any) mitzvot [commandments]. This means that there are many connected to the shul [synagogue] who are not able/willing to assist me in becoming more religious (or even helping me with Hebrew or proper holiday/shabbat observance). The shul that I attend does not have a chazzan and only has one rabbi. This means that the rabbi is very busy and not always available to assist me. I am a shy person so just trying to get to know any of the "elite" is a struggle for me. I feel less-than because I was not born a Jew and because I am not nearly as learned as I should (or that I feel I should) be seven years after my conversion.

It is impossible to learn on one's own. At some point one must, as R' Yahoshua ben Perachyah said, "Provide yourself with a teacher, get yourself a colleague, and judge all men favorably." (Pirkei Avot 1:6) I have trouble finding a teacher or a colleague but I am determined to break through my shyness and find a teacher. I cannot begin to delve into the teachings of Hebrew, Torah, and Talmud by myself. I have already contacted someone about assisting me in finding a Hebrew teacher and I have signed up for a two-hour class at my shul that will teach about the aliyot [being called up to bless/read from the Torah], dressing the Torah, and hagbah [lifting the Torah]. I can only hope that this class will help me learn and make me feel more comfortable in shul.

Where do I fit?

I have been reading about the founders of Conservative Judaism and their belief systems. I have also been thinking about three of the rulings given by the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards and the Jewish Theological Seminary as well as the stand on the revelation of the Written and Oral Torahs (plus one other thing that annoys me which I will discuss). I have come to some conclusions and I am now wondering where I stand in the Conservative Movement.

Driving to synagogue on Shabbat
The ruling as it stands (from the 1950's) is that in order to maintain a community and help individuals/families stay connected with Judaism, a Conservative Jew may drive to synagogue and then back home on Shabbat. It is important to note that driving is only permitted between home and synagogue and nowhere else.

I understand the reasoning behind this ruling. This ruling came at a time when many synagogues were moving out of crowded cities and into the suburban neighborhoods. In my heart and in my soul, I know this is an incorrect ruling. It breaks the laws of shabbat and it encourages Jews to live in scattered locations far from the synagogue. Personally, I have driven on shabbat simply because I cannot afford to live any closer to the synagogue. I hate driving on shabbat and I do not go to synagogue because I hate driving (not to mention it is an outright sin). I am not passing judgment on those who drive but for me, it is not something I am comfortable doing. The Masorti Movement ("Conservative Judaism" outside the U.S. and Canada) forbids driving on shabbat. So, for this ruling, I side with the Masorti Movement.

Ordination for gay men and lesbians
In 2007, the Jewish Theological Seminary decided that it was halachically permissible to begin ordaining gay men and lesbians as rabbis. Part and parcel to this argument is that homosexuality is not entirely forbidden (and rulings against lesbian behavior are "only rabbinic rulings") and these future rabbis should be permitted to be ordained.

I personally have no problem with someone being a gay man or lesbian. However, I do believe that the Torah and rabbinic rulings do state that homosexual activity is a sin and cannot be tolerated. I agree that being a gay man or a lesbian is not a sin, but certain activities that may occur are sins. How can we have someone be a rabbi who openly sins? In some sense, I am on the fence about this ordination issue. If a gay man or a lesbian is celibate during his/her training as well as the entire time he/she is an acting rabbi, then I have no reason to disapprove of his/her ordination. However, I do not see this as a viable alternative. The Masorti Movement has decided not to ordain gay men or lesbians at the Schechter Institute of Jewish Studies. Again, I am in agreement with the Masorti Movement.

Gay and lesbian "commitment ceremonies"
In 2007, the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards ruled that rabbis may chose to perform "commitment ceremonies" for gay men and lesbians. The belief is that if a couple is in a committed, monogamous relationship, they should be able to have a "commitment ceremony".

As I said above, homosexual activity is a sin. There is no getting around that according to halachah. "Commitment ceremonies" only lend credence to the reasoning that homosexual activities are not sins - thereby disagreeing with halachah. If a rabbi lends his/her hand to the breaking of halachah, I can no longer consider the person a "rabbi". The fact that the Conservative Movement touts itself as a movement that upholds halachah and then turns around only to break halachah is nothing but a proof of being a sanctemonious movement. The Masorti Movement does not permit its rabbis to be involved in "commitment ceremonies" so I again find myself in agreement with the Masorti Movement.

Revelation
Within Conservative Judaism there are varying beliefs about the revelation at Har Sinai [Mount Sinai]. Some believe that the Aseret Hadiberot [Ten Commandments] were transmitted and the remaining portions of the Torah were written latter by various individuals (documentary hypothesis). Others believe that the Torah was written entirely by Moshe [Moses] as it was revealed to him beginning at Har Sinai. Many others fall in between these two ends of the spectrum.

Personally, I believe that the entire Torah was written by Moshe and that the Oral Torah (Mishnah) was also given to Moshe. If the Torah is man-made (even if G-dly inspired) why would I choose to follow a man-made religion? I chose to follow G-d and His commandments - not the sages' commandments. I am committed to halachah which means I am committed to G-d's commands as they were given to Moshe Rabeinu [Moses our teacher] at Har Sinai and then passed down to the present-day rabbis. In this belief, I side neither with the Conservative Movement nor the Masorti Movement.

"Temple"
Many Conservative Congregations use the word "Temple" in their names. I find this very disturbing since it implies that the synagogue has replaced (permanently) the Temple in Jerusalem. I pray daily for the rebuilding of the Temple and I do not feel that it is correct for synagogues to procure that name for their own congregations.