Please teach me!

I have been reading The Conservative Movement in Judaism: Dilemmas and Opportunities which has opened up a world to me that I did not really understand about Conservative Judaism. I have read one-half of the book so far and it seems that the overall theme is a we-them dichotomy within Conservative Judaism. The book talks quite a bit about the "masses" and the "elite". The "masses" are the common everyday laypeople and the "elite" are not only the rabbis, chazanim [cantors], and teachers - but also other leaders and learned members.

As a Jew by Choice, I obviously do not fit in with the "elite" and I in some ways do not fit in with the "masses". I am struggling to become a learned member of the Jewish faith but it is a struggle when this dichotomy exists. The "masses" are - and this is a very broad, general statement - not very learned and many follow very few (if any) mitzvot [commandments]. This means that there are many connected to the shul [synagogue] who are not able/willing to assist me in becoming more religious (or even helping me with Hebrew or proper holiday/shabbat observance). The shul that I attend does not have a chazzan and only has one rabbi. This means that the rabbi is very busy and not always available to assist me. I am a shy person so just trying to get to know any of the "elite" is a struggle for me. I feel less-than because I was not born a Jew and because I am not nearly as learned as I should (or that I feel I should) be seven years after my conversion.

It is impossible to learn on one's own. At some point one must, as R' Yahoshua ben Perachyah said, "Provide yourself with a teacher, get yourself a colleague, and judge all men favorably." (Pirkei Avot 1:6) I have trouble finding a teacher or a colleague but I am determined to break through my shyness and find a teacher. I cannot begin to delve into the teachings of Hebrew, Torah, and Talmud by myself. I have already contacted someone about assisting me in finding a Hebrew teacher and I have signed up for a two-hour class at my shul that will teach about the aliyot [being called up to bless/read from the Torah], dressing the Torah, and hagbah [lifting the Torah]. I can only hope that this class will help me learn and make me feel more comfortable in shul.